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Learning Freedom

(55 entries)

At 37, having successfully mastered the arts of pursuing and accomplishing goals, attempting to control conditions, and getting unhappy when I didn’t get what I wanted, I received a wonderful gift. I didn’t (consciously) ask for it but my son’s autism came to liberate me. Through the path I took in order to “save” us from autism, I found myself transforming, growing, expanding, gaining tools and tuning in to guidance in order to free myself from fear, limiting mental patterns, the needs for approval and recognition, and the propensity to get attached to outcomes. I once asked for an “extraordinary life” — I was thinking of material achievements, recognition, and happiness. In response, the Universe put together a curriculum to give me a far more extraordinary life all about alignment with my Higher Self, “reality” (i.e. life, as it happens), and the ability to expand my mind, my heart, and my power to choose an experience of peace, love, and ease right here, right now. The learning process is ongoing and totally worth it.

“I am not Enough” »

Put against the grain of the world I fear. Criticism points to doubts I hold about myself, and it’s gotta be for me to claim my strength, to align with truth, to become my highest potential letting go of the belief that I am not enough.

Cheat Sheet
(found in the middle of the last labyrinth) »

Turning fear into love in action. Years ago I learned and lived this to gracefully navigate out of the limitations of autism. Now APD has come to give me one more way to learn it.

A Story from the Trenches »

In the road less traveled criticism hurts because I’m still walking blindly, finding my way as I go, and there’s no promise of a happy ending. Thank God for the messages that come to support me and assure me: I’m not alone.

What I’m learning from all THIS »

The U.S. presidential election is giving me a rich opportunity for expansion as I attempt to see disagreement and uncertainty with grace, from a higher perspective.

The Launch »

This morning I was launched into something yet to be discovered. It involved a separation from a past identity, and an explicit intention to trust and allow the journey to take me where it’s headed.

A message from a horse »

I notice what I notice, then my dream and the experiences next day unravel a multidimensional message from my son reassuring me of our deep soul connection.

Creativity —my nature and healing »

Learning about “talents” and my nature as a creator to dissolve one more layer of the limiting thought that I need to do and be more than I already am.

You can’t ever get angry at me! »

Learning together to navigate this life. One more conversation with Kiki meant for us both to expand and connect deeply with each other and with ourselves.

Life without a story »

Lately I’ve noticed the constant presence of stories defining people’s existence. We seem to crave them, collect them, learn to seek to create them to define ourselves and stand out from the crowd, to be “somebody”. I have mine too, of course… “Mother of a special child whose journey to save her son ultimately saves […]

Teaching Now: The Food Garden »

This spring my food garden is teaching me one more layer of letting go. I’m trusting the balance of nature, and enjoying my foraging trips every lunch and breakfast.

Templates of Possibilities »

Reflecting on the change manifested since I started the Home Reorg, and the change not yet recognized coming next to my life.

My Purpose as a Parent »

Inquiry on a nagging stressful thought helped me clarify my purpose as Joaquin’s mother, shifting my focus from future outcomes to the tools, beliefs, and values I offer him now.

Letting Go »

Letting myself to do my project instead of seeking to nurture Joaquin’s development brings up fear. But John Holt reminds me: “It’s okay; keep trusting”.

Radically Authentic »

Last month I attended one of Anat Baniel’s “Kids Beyond Limits” workshops. I loved meeting and interacting personally with one of my favorite teachers, refreshing my mind with her knowledge, and considering the possibility of signing up for her professional training – for a very little while. As I considered the kind of help I […]

Expanding Through Music »

Pursuing growth opportunities for Kiki through musical training, I was challenged by the stimulus that came with it. The experience expanded us both beyond the sheer powers of music.

Easing Into My Resistance »

Choosing love and ease in order to connect with Kiki while joining him in one of his repetitive activities.

Radical Acceptance for the Son-Rise Parent »

When mentally “failing” as a Son-Rise parent, remember: Perfection is not required. Rules that separate us in the moment from our kids are not helpful. Self acceptance helps us AND our children grow.

A Moment of Grace »

Lori Shayew, a good friend of mine who’s writing an inspired book on The Gifts of Autism, asked me to share with her an experience when I felt PURE JOY with Joaquin. As I read her request I recognized immediately the moment she was talking about. This was one of the most memorable and potent […]

Becoming a Teacher »

I’m currently discovering the natural talents of our new friend Megane… Acting on feedback I gave on her last play session with Joaquin (i.e. offer more actions vs. questions or “I don’t know” responses), for her second session she went with the intention to go 100% for whatever idea comes to her head. And I’m […]

Not Joining Until Ready »

This morning I got in the playroom while in a slight bad mood with Joaquin. I realized I didn’t want to give him control over me (he had nagged me plenty in the morning and I had resisted very uncomfortably). So as soon as I went in, pencil and paper on hand, Joaquin asked me […]

On being heard »

October was so amazingly expansive, I didn’t have any time to update this blog with the many amazing things that occupied my days… I was busy bringing on board three amazing new volunteers in Joaquin’s Son-Rise Program. I was also extremely intentional, using my “eye or Mordor” focusing on areas I wanted to help develop […]

Fading Away »

With the recent introduction of a set of vinyl stamps and a clear stamping block, Joaquin has forgotten about his motivation for road construction, and has played three times in a row all around making these type of stamped strips for his streets. In addition to the focus and excitement he displays from trying and […]

Free Silent Listening »

I want to practice listening. Truly listening, being PRESENT, LOVING, NON-JUDGMENTAL, and without any expectation or desire to make any kind of impact on the person I’m listening. I have recently become aware that the expectation and desire to help are what gets most on my way to listen. I start listening keeping to my […]

On the way to the Zingaron Place »

Joaquin’s pretend traffic lights… This image represents Joaquin’s oldest most recurring activity. I’ve joined this game many times, and I’ve been deeply challenged by it often. This morning, as I contemplated the hallway to the kitchen full of lights (not green ones), and I experienced the discomfort this explosion of objects causes in my experience, […]

Creating space through contractions »

Just like a menstrual period, yet not exactly with the same frequency and predictability, I seem to experience cycles of contractive energy… They manifest primarily by a very strong need for space: physical and emotional. I find myself wanting to be alone, still, and silent. Mostly still and silent. Yet, mothering a four-year-old Sagittarius so […]

Freeing the Curls »

I knew that freeing my hair was going to pay off in self acceptance, growth, and discovery… I started this “project” almost three months ago inspired to act on acceptance, allowance, letting go of control and all those good things, using my naturally curly hair (blow dried straight for 25 years) as subject and material […]

Meaninglessness »

So, after two very great (and unusual) experiences joining Kiki’s activities with full openness and enthusiasm… And perhaps as a result of the atonement experience I had yesterday… And in response to my prayer to open again the channel with Source because I felt so uninspired all last week… The guidance I’m receiving today is […]

Choosing Heaven »

Last weekend was a tough one. Tiny actions or words unleashed a wave of anger towards Joey which consumed my mind during both days. I’d go to bed okay, or mildly upset, and by morning the emotion was exponentially worse. Very uncomfortable for the three of us. So when a tiny “emergency” woke us up […]

Guidance from the Team »

This morning, right before waking up, I saw the image of an angel (?) all dressed in white, long blond straight hair, and really huge dark eyes. I thought that maybe he’s someone in my team. That concept of “team” is very recent. Like perhaps from Monday night, when I went to sleep and saw […]

Little Teacher »

Wow, this kid is truly connected to something… For a few days now, every once in a while he’s told me with a mischiveous smile, his waving finger, and out of nowhere: “Don’t judge anymore”. I always thank him for the wisdom and tell him that I’m doing my best to act on that intention. […]

Pep Talk »

Challenged by Kiki's beloved Game of Lights, resistant to participate in his interest, and talking myself into accepting my feelings and being authentic with Kiki.

Rose Colored Glasses »

I’m thinking about our upcoming trip back to the Autism Treatment Center of America for an Intensive week… Same “challenges” than last year: A long day in airports, planes, and roads with a child and luggage, away from our kitchen. A single day to get there before our program begins (and a lot of money […]

Big steps towards freedom »

Recently, I let go of several crippling habits I’ve carried for a long time. I’m currently living: Not trying to save, change, or heal anybody (not even one in the autism spectrum) Without any need to accomplish anything Not seeking anybody’s approval (I haven’t been put to a big test recently, though) For the first […]

Cheat Sheet »

Breathe. Pause. Close your eyes. Slow down – moving, speaking, thinking. Forget time – Don’t look at the clock. Choose freedom. Say yes – to yourself. Suspend all judgments.

Choosing and Allowing »

I used to read “happiness is a choice” as “happiness is a choice, and you’re always supposed to choose it; if you can’t it’s okay for now, but do seek happiness when you’re ready”. And so I’ve done a lot of choosing, allowing, and then attempting to choose not sure if I’m ready… just perhaps […]

Love vs. Fear »

I used to think that if you do Son-Rise perfectly, your child will have no option but to recover (as in, be fully “cured” of autism). I did this in order to motivate me to play perfect Son-Rise and put all of me behind the goal of Joaquin’s recovery. I took this belief in an […]

On / Off »

While appreciating the fact that I currently find myself inspired, peaceful, loving, free, and flowing… I just noticed how my “newspaper” (the collection of things that reach me every day) is bringing me messages of inspiration, love, freedom, ease, and fluidity. I’m noticing the obvious: It’s not a coincidence and special gift from the angels […]

Finding at the bottom of my subconscious »

While Joaquin takes a nap in our living room, I decide to take my Frequency book and read by him. As I go through chapter 3, an incredible revelation comes over me. I start seeing it so clearly. It makes so much sense, and my heart agrees by beating rapidly, and my eyes, ears and […]

Healing: Energy and Information »

Wow. I’m putting together what I’m learning about living cells from Bruce Lipton, with what I learned and keep experiencing after attending a Reconnective Healing seminar last weekend, with what I’m experiencing reading Penney Peirce’s “Frequency”… It’s all making so much sense, and just keeps validating my gut wisdom to keep discarding much of what […]

Loving Joaquin. Loving Ourselves. Loving All »

Excited and inspired as I see how the intention to live love, choice, trust, self-awareness, and happiness in our personal life, is taking over Joaquin’s Son-Rise program and infecting my life and that of my team members.

Happy Lenses »

Today… Just as an experiment… Decide that you ‘re going to have an awesome day. There will be a lot of stuff out of your control, and no matter what happens, just today, as an experiment, you will choose to be happy and at peace with whatever situation is thrown at you; with whatever thing […]

In case of unhappiness, read this… »

Having embraced my unhappiness for the last three days, I emerge today peaceful, happy and loving, and ready to go on with my present life. And because I can see clearly now without the clouds of resistance and self-judgement, I also have a few words of wisdom for my past and future unhappy self. So […]

Awetism — no typo here »

I’m the mother of an autistic child, and that –far from a curse, has made my life more extraordinary and amazing than I was planning for. The more I stretch out of my old beliefs and comforts, the more my son stretches through his limitations to come into my world.

Slowly Awakening »

Success, performance, achievement. The stuff for which I’ve worked most in the first 38 years of my life… Last year’s existing project to create a new passionate career… To become a successful artisan, a brand name, a recognized designer able to make a living out of my craft and joy, all surrounded by stress and […]

Looking for the stars in my dark sky »

Have been going through a blah time all the way since around Thanksgiving. Been so bummed down by this mood since it’s such a long drop from the high I had reached by chance a month ago. I was doing so well… getting it so much, that I even thought I didn’t need any more […]

First Weeks into Son-Rise »

We built the son-rise playroom and Kiki’s progress slowed down; I got discouraged, depressed. Prompt support help me discard limiting beliefs and get back on track inspired and driven.

Blind but Trusting »

I’ve just received my rental car for the week. After placing my bag in the trunk and contemplating all the little ways how this cheap rental is not as nice as our family car, I pull out the map package I’ve printed earlier charting the route to the Option Institute. The number of steps is […]

Healing Journey: June 2010 »

12. Happy That laugh!… It happens every day now. 14. Son-Rise Start Up During her intro speech, Bryn Hogan said “Each of you are here today because you love a child”. They had all of their photos on these walls surrounding us in our training auditorium. 20. Belonging Back home after an amazing week in […]

The Journey Ahead »

One month after discovering my son’s autism and the son-rise program, I’m starting to see the wonder of the process unfolding and how it’s meant to “cure” ME.

Climbing up to the surface »

As soon as I saw her, she reminded me of my mom. She looked mature, yet youthful. I liked everything she said, her experience, her presence at my house, and the best sign of all: Joaquin seemed to be ok with her. He ate his dinner peacefully, even with a “stranger” at the table. Then […]

The Wasteful Activities of a Childless Designer »

A little over a year ago, when I was a free, childless, freelance web designer, I had plenty of time to do things like: Encrypt my style sheets so plagiarists wouldn’t have such an easy ride with my portfolio site Put and manage traps to find out when somebody downloaded my portfolio site with a […]

Still lots to learn from my mother »

At this moment my mom is flying back to Colombia after a 47–day visit in our home. We kept busy and had tons of fun, as evidenced by the lack of updates to this web site since her arrival. My mom has a great sense of humor, cooks deliciously, and has a remarkable, not often […]

Forget You! »

You’ve heard them. You may even be one of them. Without a whole lot of whining you dare to vent a tiny little fact related to how challenging your life has become with your (now seven months old) little bundle of joy, and Super Mom smiles and replies: “But they [children] are worth it”. Personally, […]

Life is so much better with coffee »

Only three days after my mom left — and really just one day alone at home with Joaquin — I started to worry… How can I be new to this baby every day?… The question was twofold: How can I always be energetic to be there for my baby day after day?… and also, where […]

So Far So Close »

Life constantly teaches me that if I manage to hold one more second, one more day, one more small unit of time, something wonderful will happen. I'm always so close to it, even though I can't see it.